Right – here is the best advice I can give you: when interacting with a Mom who has reached full term pregnancy, refrain from asking the most annoying and somewhat stupid questions of “Has the baby arrived?” or “Any news yet?”. Things like “when can we expect her?” and “do you think you’re in labour yet” fall under this category too.
Trust me, as a woman who has reached her 40 week mark, I can assure you… If the baby HAS ARRIVED, you would know about it and would not have to ask such a dumb thing. We all know baby has, in fact, not arrived, so why ask that? Rather check in with Mom and see how she is doing. Ask if she needs help around the house or offer to take her for a cup of coffee (yes, I drink coffee in pregnancy). And please, by all that is good and green on this Earth, do not make reference to how annoyed you are that her baby isn’t here yet, or how impatient you have become because you want to meet the baby. And do not dare mention how the Mom-to-be needs to “hurry up” and “tell the baby to come out”. If anyone has a right to feeling impatient that her baby has not been born yet, it is the Mother carrying that said baby. Nobody else.
If birth was as predictable as the ticking clock, then we would all be sitting with babies born preciously on their ‘due dates’. But, as this is not the case, treat the situation with some common sense, okay? If the Mother is super anxious about her birth, and is conscience about the fact that she has gone past her due date, or is nearing it without ‘any signs of labour’, your questioning of her body’s natural progress is going to add to her stress levels – which is not what we want to do to expectant Moms. If, like me, she is taking a relaxed view on her pregnancy and allowing her body and baby to do what they need to do in their own time, you are adding unwanted negativity and noise around her that is unappreciated and uninvited.
Please don’t tell her about the time you had a friend who had to be induced, or how with your own birth you felt XYZ and that’s how she must be feeling now, or that you would be so worried about the health of the baby if the tables were turned, or that this is the reason you prefer C-sections (Good Lord, help me). Destructive conversations like these should not be discussed with a 40-week pregnant woman.
All of this is annoying, self-interested, and it’s simply just bothering the Mother. What is needed instead are calm and supportive conversations. We all know how eager you (and 100’s of others in the community) are to meet the little one, but the Mother comes first and foremost, and her birthing needs and experience are what matter.
And Moms – if you’re at the point where you feel like slapping the next person who asks you “Baby not here yet?” – do what you need to do to keep your own sanity in check. Switch your mobile off, block people on social, hibernate in your house, or just ignore those conversations. You need to focus on you and your baby. If people are offended by this behaviour, so what? It’s your birth experience and you need to feel completely at ease with it and remove unwanted distractions.
Remember, 40 weeks is an estimate – you still have another 12 days to go before other options are considered. Good luck, sweet Moms!
Pray & Slay,
#MotherMuses
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